she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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