I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
