I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
