my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
