Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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