Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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