you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
