You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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