I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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