The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
