R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
