She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
