I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
