i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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