i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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