even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
