Do you still have your period?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
