Will you blow on my dice?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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