just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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