Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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