dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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