I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
