My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
