then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
