Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
