i jhust puked up my retainher.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
