I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's never too late to be topless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
