I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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