Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
