Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
