I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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