Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
