your thong is hanging out like whoa
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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