Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize