I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
