and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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