I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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