Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
