the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
