I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize