Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
