I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
