you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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