Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will pee on everything he values.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
