That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
