you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize