ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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