We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
