OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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