Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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