How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
