My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you didnt know i had herpes?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
