I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
