a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
