Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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