Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
