I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
