im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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