somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
