i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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