hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So much Jack, so little girl.
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