you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
