My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
