Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
