I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
