Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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