I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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