his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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