just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
