Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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