You can't special order awesome
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
