I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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