I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dicks are not precious.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
