I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
