"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
