I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish you could order shots online.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
