you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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