What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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