She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
