i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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