dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
