those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
