Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
