Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
