Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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