He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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