I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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