Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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