I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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