He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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